FREE UNSCREENED SPERM DONATIONS ILLEGAL IN STARBUCKS

 

Both high-end egg donor auctions and  freebee sperm giveaways are banned.  There was a spectacular, red carpet auction of models’ eggs.  A fashion photographer was asking up to $150,000 for the donors’ eggs.  There was an outcry against the selling of exorbitantly priced women’s flesh on the auction block, and this 1999 auction was shut down.  eBay also took a stand and outlawed the selling of donor eggs on its site.

Fast forward eleven years later. The “Sotheby’s” of donor egg auctions never happened, and now the Starbucks sperm drop box is closed.  Men were ejaculating in the Starbucks restrooms to make their sperm donations.  One man was arrested for giving his sperm away because it was untested for communicable diseases. He already had 50 “encounters” by passing a cup, chock full of sperm, to the waiting woman who used a turkey baster method or cervix cup to transfer the sperm.  The man had altruistic motives, and he was willing to forgo direct pleasure with the sperm recipient.  Indeed the 36 year old man was still a virgin waiting for the right one before consummation.

Ideally one day there will be a middle ground solution.  There won’t be price gauging to pay for certain desirable genetic characteristics of the sperm or egg donors.  But on the other extreme, infertile women won’t have to resort to restaurant restrooms to obtain free sperm from men off the street.  Infertility is a multi-billion dollar largely unregulated industry that needs carefully thought out guidelines for how to enable infertile men and women to bear a child.

Mississippi Wins Freedom for Infertility Treatment

 

In 1961 the Mississippi Freedom Riders rode the bus for civil rights. Now 50 years later Mississippi has won infertile women the right to have a baby by voting down Proposal 26. Mississippi Initiative 26, “personhood legislation,” declared that a fertilized egg is a person. This ruling would have put an end to infertility treatment. A doctor would be subject to arrest for performing an IVF procedure if the fertilized egg died in the petri dish or did not implant in the woman’s uterus. A doctor also could be charged for murder as the next Dr. Kevorkian if he discarded non-viable fertilized eggs or donated them for research. If a woman froze her fertilized eggs, she could be guilty of child abuse. If she donated them to an infertile woman, they would have to be legally adopted since they would already be babies. Then the donor egg recipient/adoptive mother also could be liable for arrest if her womb was judged to be suboptimal and she miscarried the baby. Mississippi was victorious! But the fight, spearheaded by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, for the right to have a baby continues as personhood legislation is introduced in other states. Band together now and take action to defeat other motherhood denying decrees.

 

WAITING FOR EGGDOT: TRY INTERNET

 

“You don’t have a number stamped on your back,” the nurse told me when I’d already been waiting almost a year for a donor egg from the hospital.  She explained that it could take more than a year, but that they were working very hard to find me a good match.  When I asked more about the good match, she elaborated that they were matching my eye and hair color. I felt like I was part of a bad dating service with a limited pool of men.

Then I got the tip that donor eggs were being sold on the Internet.  Some women’s ova were worth more than others. Models, Ivy League graduates and those with proven fertility were the “premier,” extraordinary” donors versus the “ordinary” ones who were paid less.  It was Saks versus Wal-Mart.  I went on a shopping spree.  Did I want the egghead or the beauty?  I could breed virtuosos with the eggs of Olympic athletes or musical divas. Why not buy the eggs of a brilliant model?  Then I paused.  Much as I had wanted to use my own eggs, at this point I would not even have chosen myself as a donor.  I was so preoccupied with concocting the right genetic mix to produce the next Madame Curie who would also win the Miss America contest that I was losing sight of creating a healthy baby to love.

GOING BROKE ON INFERTILITY TREATMENTS

 

Infertility treatment became my Las Vegas craps table. Even with a less than 9 percent chance of a pregnancy, I kept gambling that I would win.  The pay off was high because I would walk away with my much wanted baby.  Each attempt featured a slight modification that might at last guarantee success-a change in medication, protocol or even doctors. Other women I met in the hospital were just as desperate. Credit cards were maxed out and second mortgages were obtained. Each IVF trial cost ten thousand dollars or more.  Most insurance companies do not cover IVF.  I had a fantasy that my infertile sisterhood would meet next in New York’s Penn Station, homeless and dressed in tatters. We all would have gone broke from spending our last dollar on IVF. If we had lived in Massachusetts, where IVF treatments are covered, we would have been in better financial shape. One New Yorker even faces the possibility of jail time. She absconded with almost $100,000 from the PTA in order to pay for her infertility treatments and birth a second child.  After five failed IVF attempts, I finally had to cease and desist from using my own eggs.  As the doctor originally recommended, I would try donor egg with an increased probability of pregnancy.

 

 

GO DONOR EGG, OLD WOMAN

 

I was expelled from the fertility sorority.  I had proven everyone wrong when I first became a member.  The receptionist at the hospital was skeptical that my follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and estrogen levels would be low enough for me to do IVF with my own eggs.  At age forty-four, she told me that I could be perimenopausal.  But my levels were phenomenal, -6 and 28. I was a middle-aged woman in the body of a twenty year old!  In nine months I expected my baby to pop out.

Then the doctor unabashedly pointed out the decay in the room. My eggs were rotting. They might look and score great-a definite 10- but they were no longer the same quality, and they were probably genetically defective by now. My chances of having a baby with my own eggs were 9 percent or less. The solution: use an egg donor and increase my chances to 50 or 60 percent.

How could the doctor suggest a donor?  The whole point was to have my baby.  I would use my  own eggs!

DO OVER DOCTOR CONVERSATION:

Bring up the better statistics with a donor egg.  But also discuss that it is a journey toward acceptance of using a donor egg.  There is a grieving process to give up your own genetics.  Understandably, it is not emotionally interchangeable to substitute your egg with one from a donor. Sensitively state that donor egg might become a viable option to create a much desired baby.  Individual or group counseling to examine the donor route also could be suggested.