I was expelled from the fertility sorority.  I had proven everyone wrong when I first became a member.  The receptionist at the hospital was skeptical that my follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and estrogen levels would be low enough for me to do IVF with my own eggs.  At age forty-four, she told me that I could be perimenopausal.  But my levels were phenomenal, -6 and 28. I was a middle-aged woman in the body of a twenty year old!  In nine months I expected my baby to pop out.

Then the doctor unabashedly pointed out the decay in the room. My eggs were rotting. They might look and score great-a definite 10- but they were no longer the same quality, and they were probably genetically defective by now. My chances of having a baby with my own eggs were 9 percent or less. The solution: use an egg donor and increase my chances to 50 or 60 percent.

How could the doctor suggest a donor?  The whole point was to have my baby.  I would use my  own eggs!

DO OVER DOCTOR CONVERSATION:

Bring up the better statistics with a donor egg.  But also discuss that it is a journey toward acceptance of using a donor egg.  There is a grieving process to give up your own genetics.  Understandably, it is not emotionally interchangeable to substitute your egg with one from a donor. Sensitively state that donor egg might become a viable option to create a much desired baby.  Individual or group counseling to examine the donor route also could be suggested.