THE BACK-UP PLAN USES A DONOR

April 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

In the movie The Back -Up Plan  Jennifer Lopez uses a sperm donor.  She has given up on finding Mr. Right, and her biological clock is ticking. Her anonymous donor impregnates her with twins. The same day as the insemination, she meets the love of her life.  Since this is the movies,  he ultimately accepts the twins, stays with Jennifer Lopez and then impregnates her with his own child. In my case my biological clock had already stopped, and my eggs were too old when I tried IVF five times with my own eggs.  My back-up plan was to use an egg donor.

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DON’T IGNORE THE NEED FOR COUNSELING

April 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment


Infertility is a low blow. It comes from nowhere and leaves you reeling. Then if you start infertility treatments, you get pounded some more with blood drawings, hormone shots and internal probes. There is the anxiety of waiting to see if you have a baby or the knock out punch of no pregnancy. I myself mourned the loss of my baby five times when I repeatedly tried IVF with my own eggs and failed. The new DSM-V finds that grieving is associated with depression.  I went from counseling others with infertility to becoming a patient myself at the point when I had to decide whether to use a donor egg. I had to separate my feelings of loss from what I wanted to do in the future. People are afraid that counseling for infertility means your crazy.   The increased risk of anxiety and depression, and the ongoing decision-making and striving for resolution all may indicate that it is time to seek help. What is crazy is ignoring going to therapy when it is needed.

 

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THE SWITCH CHANGES SPERM DONORS

April 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

In the movie The Switch, Jennifer Aniston has a baby with a sperm donor. She chooses a good looking hunk to provide the DNA for her baby.  Unbeknownst to Jennifer, her drunken, dorky best friend, played by Jason Bateman, has changed the sperm and provided his own.  Her son becomes a nerd too. This being Hollywood, when Jennifer learns years later of her friend’s deed, she forgives him and they become romantically involved. When I decided to use donor eggs, I already had found my husband for my second marriage. So I no longer searched for the romantic fairy tale ending. But I was afraid that a donor egg  switch might result in my donor misrepresenting herself. What if my worst nightmare came true, and she was actually a serial killer who pushed people off of the subway tracks? It took time for me to trust that my egg donor really would turn out to be all right.

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INFERTILITY SHOT TORTURE

April 6, 2012 by 2 Comments

I hate shots.  When I was a child, I prepared myself for injections by pretending that I was a soldier going to war. I dreaded my visits to the pediatrician.  Hanging on the wall, was a terrifying Norman Rockwell print of a doctor holding  a huge needle to stick in the rear of a little boy.  When I started IVF treatments, that nightmare came true when my husband began administering nightly hormone shots in my buttocks.  He tried to lessen the blow by describing it as “just a little bee sting. Buzz, buzz.” But to me it was a 747 that landed.  

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Comparison Shopping for Donor Eggs

March 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Comparison shopping when buying donor eggs is a must.  The price for the same donor’s eggs can vary widely.  Donors often list with numerous agencies.  It is imperative to check the list price for the donor as well as the fee of the agency.  Some agencies charge a percentage of the donor’s price and and others charge a flat fee.  An educated donor egg consumer will be a savy shopper and discover the best bargains.  Unless of course you want the elite eggs of an an Ivy League student that may sell for $50,000 or more.

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STATE OF WONDER FOR FERTILITY

March 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Ann Patchett’s book State of Wonder keeps a marvelous secret.  There is a tribe in the Amazon where women in their 70’s are having babies.  A pharmaceutical company hopes to cash in on this miracle baby-grow for women of a certain age.  While I was trying to get pregnant, I kept searching for a new discovery that would enable me to use my own eggs to become pregnant in my early 40’s.  The doctors told me that stem cell research would be the answer, but that we were not scientifically there yet.  I would have been thrilled to learn about the Amazon women where age was no barrier to pregnancy.  In fact I would have rushed to the jungle and joined the tribe!

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THE KITE RUNNER FEATURES INFERTILITY

March 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

When I read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, I focused on the infertility section.  When the Afghani boy Amir grew up and married Soraya, the couple couldn’t have children.  They went to the hospital for IVF.  Hosseini brilliantly captured the tortured gist of their failed fertility treatments in a few paragraphs.  The wife did not choose to adopt because she wanted the opportunity to look for genetic signs of herself and her husband in their child. I fully identified with her.  When my husband was lobbying for a donor egg, with its greatly increased odds of success, I only wanted my own genetic baby. Eventually Soraya had a change of heart when she agreed to adopt the Afghani son of her husband’s kite runner. Amir had rescued the boy from captivity back in Afghanistan.  I too underwent a transformation when I agreed to try donor egg after five failed attempts with my own eggs. I finally decided it would still be my baby even if it didn’t have my genes.

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FIT FOR PREGNANCY AT 50

March 9, 2012 by Leave a Comment

A new study discovered that women in their 50’s are physically fit for pregnancy.  Other than possibly a bit higher  blood pressure, there were no physical differences between 101 pregnant women in their 50’s versus younger women.  When I decided to use a donor egg in my 40’s, I had to obtain physical clearance.  The doctor had to find my body physically fit, and my EKG had to show that there was no risk of heart attack while enduring the rigors of labor.  I passed with flying colors.  Of course my 40- something-year-old eggs weren’t up to the task, but according to this new study at least I had the body of a 20 year old.

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DNA DONOR EGG DETECTIVE

March 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

DNA can’t keep a secret. Adopted children are swabbing their cheeks, sending in their DNA samples and turning up biological mothers. I wanted the anonymous egg donation. The egg donor wouldn’t know me, and I wouldn’t know her. Our baby would belong only to my husband and me. But if adopted children can overturn the sealed adoption papers, donor egg offspring can do the same. Years from now my donor egg baby could be an egg donor DNA detective and mail order for a genetic set of long lost biological relatives to add to the family tree. I must be prepared for that possibility.

 

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KIRKUS REVIEWS-Grade A Baby Eggs “Well-written and thoughtful”

February 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Kirkus Reviews said Grade A Baby Eggs: An Infertility Memoir was “well-written and thoughtful…a candid, valuable view of infertility.”  Except I didn’t know what they said because I didn’t open the review.  I was afraid that I would get the Rotten Tomatoes version describing my book as incoherent, infertility rants written at the level of  a fourth grader. I waited until I was in a really good mood before I peeked so hopefully I wouldn’t crash as far. Then I screamed and yelled like I just chose the right door and won the game show. Whether I will get my baby is questionable, but at least I gave birth to a healthy book that received a good Apgar score from Kirkus.

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